Confession Time

I tried posting this before, but I didn't get up the courage to actually publish the post. Maybe this one will be even better. Here it is...becoming a stay-at-home mom has not been the easiest transition for me. There! I said it. I know that I asked for this. I know it is the best thing for my child and my family as a whole. It has just taken me some time to warm up the actuality of the idea. Oh, the idea itself is beautiful and looking at it from a distance it seemed so warm and fuzzy, but the day to day living so many hours alone with an active toddler is challenging. J.J. and I spent a long time debating about how our working lives needed to change once we brought Xavier home. We weighed the pros and cons of all the options and then pretty much threw out those numbers and prayed. In the end we knew I was going to stay home and be his full time caregiver. It was just what our family was suppose to become. Now I wanted to stay home and nobody forced me. J.J. never demanded this responsibility of me and I never felt pressured. He has been 100% supportive and always made sure I knew that if I just couldn't give up teaching we would find another way. At the same time I knew staying home was the right decision. Reality is that right doesn't usually equal easy. I loved teaching. I wanted to teach since I was in grade school. It is a challenging and rewarding profession. I never really wanted to do anything else, except be a mom. It took us awhile to reach this point of parenthood and I always espoused that I would stay home when our long awaited child finally arrived, so here I am. Please notice that most of these verbs have been past tense. Things are changing for me and God is helping me adjust to this new stage of life. I haven't said anything because, truthfully, when you work as hard at getting a child as J.J. and I have you feel guilty if you even hint at complaining about something. Like, "Who is she to complain? Didn't she want this so much? What did she think this was going to be a walk in the park? Shouldn't she be happy all the time?" and other things I ridiculously assume other people must be thinking if I dare voice any unhappiness at the present circumstances. So I have been working through things with God's help and J.J.'s help and Xavier's help and a few people who I know will love me regardless. Some of them are family and they have no choice. =) Today I can honestly say I enjoy staying home. Do I love it? That might be stretching it, but I have come to appreciate it more and more. During VBS we hired a babysitter for those 3 hours each morning so I could focus on the task at hand. Each day she would bring Xavier over to the church as parents were coming to pick kids up. He would seem happy to see me, but in his usual happy, g0-lucky way he would hurry to play in the nursery with all the other kids waiting on rides. The last day though he wanted to be picked up right away and he put both of his little hands on either side of my face as if to say, "Is it really you, Momma?". I have often been annoyed by those people spouting about "ah-ha" moments as if you couldn't just learn something slowly over time, it has to just hit you in the face, but I knew at that moment that I not only needed to stay home with my son, I wanted to stay home with my son. So J.J. is back in the classroom and all the kids are back in their desks while Xavier and I make sound effects while throwing clothes in the dryer, jump all over the guest bed, sit on the potty at random times throughout the day, go for walks to air up low stroller tires and do so many other things together that I would miss while working. We are still figuring out ours routines or lack thereof and I do not profess to be very proficient at my new job, but it is a job I am now happy to have.

A picture is worth a thousand words

I have been very lax about putting pictures on the blog lately, so here are a few snapshots from our recent weeks together. By the way, we have now been home for two months. Amazing!!

Taking a nap with Momma. It took him forever to get comfortable and that is the way he chose to lay. Kids! You gotta love them.

Experiencing the joy of licking batter off the mixer blades for the first time. We were making chocolate chip zucchini cupcakes.

Yum!

Swinging always seems to prompt the word, "Again!".

"Do I really have to sit here while you two golf?"

Our first family golf outing let Xavier try out his unique swing on some real greens.

So much has happened in the last two months, but I am still pretty bad at taking pictures. I'm grateful being a good parent is not measured in how well you document your child's days. I hope it is measured in some smiles because those moments are truly priceless.

Dog Days of Summer

We are scurrying around like busy ants at our house, but it is a good thing. We are getting ready for community VBS next week. It is our church's year to host so I am directing this year. I am so excited to see what God has in store. So much prayer has gone into this already. J.J. started back to work Monday with the beginning of two-a-days. They start at 6:30am in an almost feeble attempt to beat the heat. He usually gets home around lunch time, but he's running late today. Who knows? We made it through coach's clinic and camp meeting without too many hitches. We were gone for what felt like two straight weeks, but we did come home for a few days in between the two trips. I got to spend some time with my sister and my nieces which was so nice! My poor brother-in-law was working like crazy so we hardly saw him. I hope he gets some rest before classes resume at the college where they teach.

Xavier is keeps doing well. Sometimes he drives me crazy, but I can't stay frustrated with him for long. Who could look at that face and stay angry. I will have to post some new pictures. Despite his light hair, I think he already has surpassed his mother in the tan skin department. We don't think he has gained weight, but he can put away quite a bit of food in one day, so maybe he is growing. We found out he doesn't have any parasites! Yeah! He has his first dentist appointment next week and his first check-up with our family doctor the week after. He is saying so many words. I feel like I should write them down because I'm losing track. For example: water, eye, uh-oh, owie (I have a sore on my leg that he often refers to), baaa (sheep sound), cluck cluck (chicken sound), just to name a few. I think he might be obsessed with dogs. Maybe it is just because he feels like I understand him, but he talks about dogs ALL the time. I'm not kidding, once he woke up when I got him out of the car seat and he managed to say, "D-dog?" before giving back in to sleep. So the big question is does he actually like the dogs now and I think the answer is yes. We worked in the backyard this morning when it was fairly cool and he didn't even fuss when Carson licked him in the face (Sorry Dad). I will try to be more regular about posting, but I make no promises. We are doing just fine though.